Saturday, February 7, 2015

10 Dating Cliches That Are Supposed to Make You Feel Better But Never Do

1. "It's better to have loved and lost..."

2. "It's their loss."

3. "You're better off without them."

4. "They weren't good enough for you anyway."

5. "You deserve/can do better."

6. "They don't know what they're missing."

7. "There are more fish in the sea."

8. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

9. "Good things come to those who wait."

10. "I will survive."

11. "It's not you. It's them."

I had a boy incident recently. It came at the end of a month in which at least four players from my past -- including two who made it all the way into my book! -- re-entered my orbit for brief, unexpected cameos. One even proposed marriage...jokingly, I hope. I was truly ready for something, someone new, so the boy incident had excellent timing. It went a little something like this:

Boy meets boy.

Boy pursues boy.

Boy gets boy where he wants him.

Boy throws himself on boy -- literally.

Boy friends boy on Facebook. (Warning: Any guy who gets on your computer, friends himself from your Facebook account, unbeknownst to you, and then accepts from his will probably turn out to be a bit of a douche.)

Boy texts boy.

Boy comes over for round two.

Boy leaves with a huge smile on his face.

Boy gets text from boy.

Boy doesn't respond.

Boy gets second text from boy.

Boy is never heard from again.

Another week, another Sydney flake. This city is practically snowing with them. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in Buenos Aires (aka, the other most annoying dating city in the world), where guys will pursue you ardently -- con gusto! -- until you agree to go out with them. Then it's "Caio, bonito!"

I confided in a colleague who skipped most of the cliches above and went straight to No. 11. For once, it was exactly what I needed to hear. She confirmed what I've suspected for months: Yep, dating in Sydney sucks, especially if you're a gay man or female.

She said she's been there, and so have many of her friends. One (a gay man) even fled the country because he couldn't handle it anymore, which is a shame, because it's definitely not an Aussie thing. Melburnian boys are practically a different species, charming in a way I've rarely encountered in Sydney, and when I have, it's usually been in someone from another town.

The way she sees it, when you're in a big city with so many transient tourists who are only looking for one thing, so many insanely hot guys of a certain size (extra tall) and so many expats trying to fit in (When in Rome, er, Sydney…), boys can't help but be assholes.

I loved her for not trying to sugarcoat my disappointment, and her candor actually made me feel a lot better. I was beginning to wonder if maybe there's something wrong with me, but now I know: It really isn't me. It's them.

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