Saturday, May 9, 2015

10 reasons why modern technology is more likely to get us killed

1. Texting while walking or driving can lead to disaster. The other day I almost fell forward, head first onto the concrete while walking and texting at the same time. I managed to stay upright, but the next time I might not be so lucky…and we all know there'll be a next time.

2. We now have so many vital electronic gadgets that we're unlikely to leave them behind on a downed plane. They always tell us to leave our personal belongings behind when exiting an airplane during an emergency. Like, who would actually do that? I, for one, probably wouldn't be able to resist the urge to grab my laptop from the overhead bin on the way out, screaming and scrambling fellow passengers be damned. After all, so much of my life is on that thing, surviving the crash would be pretty rough without it.

3. Nobody memorizes phone numbers anymore. Right now there's the most ridiculous storyline on The Young and the Restless that has cosmetics billionaire Jack Abbott being held captive in some far-flung mystery country by his crazy ex Kelly Andrews. Meanwhile, a doppelganger has taken over his life with his new wife Phyllis back in Genoa City, Wisconsin. Despite being handcuffed to a bed, Jack somehow managed to get ahold of a small knife the other day, stab Kelly in the neck and steal her phone, which he then used to call his son Kyle.

Huh? Clearly he had to know Kyle's number by heart in order to call him from Kelly's phone, and really, who knows anyone's number by heart these days? We all program them into our phones without giving the individual digits a second thought. When people call us or we call them, we generally don't even see numbers, just the caller's name or pic. So if someone were being held captive by a madwoman far from home and somehow accessed a random phone, he'd probably get no further than an area code when trying to call his son to the rescue.

In Jack's case, someone other than Kyle answered. (Yes, the doppelganger!) Following a few unfathomable plot twists, Jack called the police. Wait, is it 911 everywhere in the world?

4. It's easier for our every movement to be tracked by the enemy. How can we lose ourselves in the crowd while on the run from international terrorists when we're constantly checking in on Facebook. Ah ha! Gotcha!

5. Predictive text can cause fatal mistakes. What if you're a private eye trying to catch a suspected cheating husband and you text your honey trap "kill him" instead of "kiss him." Oops! Ooh, and if Margeaux had accidentally sent a "kiss him" text to Courtney Love on the penultimate episode of Revenge instead of ordering that hit by phone, Jennifer Love Hewitt's husband would have lived to see Sunday's series finale.

6. Do cell phones still cause brain tumors? If so, we're all pretty much screwed.

7. We're more likely to self-diagnose rather than going to see a doctor. If you're even a fraction of the hypochondriac that I am, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

8. We're more likely to spend convalescing time updating our health status rather than resting. Frankly, I've never really understood why people post Facebook status updates about their health and the health of their loved ones, but I suppose it's probably to create a sense of community in difficult times. Still, they'd probably be better off offline and in bed.

9. You're more likely to be physically isolated due to social media. Since you can create an alternate reality that's full of friends, you might not even notice that you spend most of your time alone. Those likely aren't the best of conditions for anyone who's depressed and possibly suicidal. At some point, the reality of a hopeless loner's or lonesome loser's true isolation is bound to sink in.

10. We're now all amateur videographers. Remember when Jo on Melrose Place took those pictures of a cop brutalizing a criminal? She almost lost her life as a result when the dirty cop came after her. She was a photographer, so her having a camera at the scene of the crime wasn't so far-fetched. In 2015, she probably would capture it on smart phone video, and in 2015, it could possibly happen to anyone. Imagine how much different the coverage of September 11 would have been if phone cameras had been in such prevalent use back then.

As we've all become amateur photojournalists, the possibility of shooting the wrong thing (like someone shooting someone else dead) has increased exponentially. Alas, modern life is nothing like Melrose Place…If it were, all of those sexcapades probably would have ended up on video! Had we been in Jo's Doc Martens, smart phone in hand, we probably wouldn't have lived to see another storyline.

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