CRASH LANDING

I'm not one to gloat over anyone's misfortune (most of the time). But I've been looking for a tasteful way to delicately express my utter pleasure over the critical drubbing of the Amelia Earhart biopic Amelia, its tanking at the North American box office this past weekend, and, by extension, Hilary Swank's dead-before-arrival Oscar campaign. (I already called it here last month.)

Obviously, I'm no Hilary fan. And it's not just because of her overpraised butch performances or her fake humility on the red carpet (I've heard she's a royal nightmare in person). The fact that she's won not one but two best actress Oscar smackdowns with Annette Bening for two of those aforementioned overpraised butch performances just does not sit well with me.

But I'm a nice guy, so I won't kick Hilary when she's down. I'll let That Little Round-Headed Boy do it for me. TLRHB expresses exactly what I feel more brilliantly than I probably would have anyway. I especially like his reasoning for why Hilary was cast as the doomed aviator in the first place: "You got the role because you've got two Oscars and you looked like Amelia Earhart. Period."

Better luck next time, Hilary. Actually, scratch that. If the 2011 best actress race becomes Annette vs. Hilary, Pt. 3, for, respectively, Mother And Child and Betty Anne Waters, my money's on third time being the charm for (envelope, please)... Annette Bening! Now that would be a trilogy with a perfectly happy ending.

Speaking of Oscar-bait ladies (and actresses who have lost to Hilary Swank), Julianne Moore is looking good for her fifth nomination for her supporting role in A Single Man. But she'll have her work cut out for her to beat Mo'Nique to the podium for her scenery-chewing as the beastly mother from hell in Precious.

Frankly, Julianne has been kind of dead to me ever since my friend Lori told me about her encounter with her a year or two ago at a party/silent auction in New York City. Lori noticed Julianne looking at the items up for bid and politely asked if she had bid on anything. "No," Julianne curtly and succinctly responded. Undaunted, Lori proceeded to identify herself as an Entertainment Weekly editor and complimented Julianne on her filmography (obviously overlooking such stinkers as Evolution, Laws Of Attraction and Next).

"I'm sorry, I'm not doing any interviews tonight," Julianne sniffed before walking away. Even if Lori, who was carrying neither a tape recorder nor paper and a pen, had been requesting an interview, you'd think Julianne would be more gracious to a representative from a magazine that's given her nothing but love over the years.

Mo'Nique, that supporting actress Oscar is yours to lose. Don't screw it up by impersonating your Precious character -- or Julianne -- in public!