Did I shower, shave and log on just for this?

I'm still not sure how or why Jorgé entered my life. One day I was on my laptop minding my own business, when suddenly, his name popped up in my MSN Messenger. Soon after, I was drowning in waves of IMs from this guy back home in Buenos Aires whom I'd never met. He wrote to me practically every time I logged on, as soon as I logged on, while I was in Australia, which wasn't often, as Australians tend not to be as Messenger- and Facebook-focused as Argentines and Yankees (at least not the ones I met).

Thank God, the 14-hour time difference meant that occasionally, Jorgé probably was asleep when I was online. But if the timing was right, there he was, requesting my undivided attention. Sometimes I responded, but usually, I pretended not to be around.

He was persistent and consistent, that's for sure, but I was kind of moved by how polite he was. He said he wanted to meet me when I returned to BA from Australia, and I played along because A) I have a hard time saying no, and B) Because a good friend once told me never to penalize someone for being interested in you.

So what that he never really had anything to say, and his beso emoticon (crazy red lips that looked like they were fashioned after Lisa Rinna's pre-reduction pucker) were a little bit creepy? I really had no intention of meeting him anyway. He was cute but not really my type (too groomed and kind of short), and I'm so over meeting up with complete strangers and feigning interest over Sprite Zero. I figured that eventually he'd sense my lack of enthusiasm and move on.

No such luck. Jorgé wasn't going anywhere. I'm not sure what got into him yesterday. Maybe he was drunk, unbelievably horny, or just ready to show his true colors. Out of the blue, this guy who, those scary red lips aside, had never floated a single sexual innuendo by me, finally went all to way and sent me an R-rated message.

"Activo o pasivo?" (Top or bottom?)

That's always been my second-least favorite question (and one I've only been asked by Argentine guys), and posing it pretty much guarantees that you'll never find out, but I was slightly bored and looking for a little bit of trouble.

"No 'Hola, Como estas?'" I responded, forgetting that sarcasm doesn't play too well here in Argentina, and it doesn't quite translate in Spanish.

"Bien. Vos?" he responded, totally clueless.

I decided that our virtual "friendship" had run its course and didn't respond, but Jorgé wasn't going to go quietly. He then began sending a series of images of naked guys going at it and one of what I presumed was his own wide-open anus. I wasn't sure what he was getting at or what he was trying to accomplish.

"Te gusta ver el porno?" he asked. (Do you like porn?)

Well, since you asked, not really. But I maintained my vow of silence. I considered blocking him, but I'm trying to be nicer, not so much the grumpy old man I'm slowly turning out to be. Anyway, without guys like him, I'd have so much less to write about. Eventually, he got the message and went away. I know he'll be back. Maybe in a few months, maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few days, maybe in a few hours, maybe before I finish writing this post. Guys in BA always come back.

Welcome home.