Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Shut up and kiss ME!

In my decades -- yes, decades! -- of apartment living, I don't recall ever receiving a noise complaint from a neighbor (although there was the summer before last when the sputtering of my AC unit drove the woman living in the apartment below me crazy). Aside from the occasional all-out party, one of which I haven't thrown since I left New York City, I live under generally quiet circumstances. I keep my music and TV low enough so that the entire building doesn't know what's keeping me entertained, and I've always felt that the less said during sex the better.

But if I were guaranteed a complaint as priceless as the one someone slipped under my friend's door this morning, I'd be sure to pump up the volume on a regular basis. Here's what her sleepless neighbor had to say:

hi, pleace to meet you
please, don´t shout so strong when you make love!!! JA, and i´m living in 3 floor!!!
saturday night i couldn´t sleep hearing you and imaginanding what you were doing.
you´re very beautifull
my mail is...

First of all, it's nice to see that the art of writing a letter -- or even a note -- isn't totally lost. In this age of email, text messages and IM, I wouldn't expect any of my friends under 30 to own a pen, let alone a note pad. I was so impressed by my friend's unexpected missive that I forgot to ask all of the obvious questions. If you're reading this, love, please get back to me!

What's his name?

What kind of paper was the note written on? A sheet of notepad paper or just some scrap he found lying around?

What kind of pen/color ink did he use?

Was it folded and placed neatly in an envelope?

Does he have nice handwriting?

As I read and reread what this guy had written, I couldn't help but think that either he must be the most charming guy in Buenos Aires -- I especially love his slightly clumsy but totally passable English -- or a complete maniac. And if this is his way of coming on to the pretty girl he's seen in the elevator (yikes! he knows where she lives!), does he feel at all uncomfortable that he's caught her -- or rather, heard her -- in the act with another guy?

My friend took the bait, and sent him an email, apologizing for keeping him up at night. Maybe nothing will come of it, and my friend will spend the next few months wondering which guy staring at her in the elevator is the one who wrote the strange note. Or maybe her hook up with one guy will lead to love with another. It's not exactly the beginning of a story-book romance, but somehow, in Buenos Aires, it fits.
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