Unlike my mom in hers, I never have the ability to fly, nor do I possess any other superhero qualities. More often than not, my nocturnal reveries are populated by people who were more significant in the past than in my present, and the house in which I grew up is frequently the setting. Occasionally, I'm naked in public, being chased or falling (I always wake up before I'm caught or before I hit the ground), but usually, the big threat is one of the things I fear most: cockroaches.
Sometimes when I'm running, I can't go faster than slow motion, and if I fall, I can't get back on my feet. Then there are the ones in which I'm fighting, and I can barely throw a punch to defend myself. The most worrisome ones are the ones in which central figures in my life die, and tears won't come.
But those are all recurring dreams. The ones I've been having this past week are like all-new original episodes. The most vivid one came two nights ago. I ran into my two closest female friends from college, Maureen and Nicholle, in some city where none of us lived (the identity of the city was never revealed), and as I was talking to them, Maureen kept turning into Nicholle and vice versa.
Another strange element was when I first ran into my morphing friends, they appeared as Maureen, and she introduced me to a group of five preppy and quite snobbish people, the kind of folks I'd never imagine her being friends with in real life. Suddenly, the stutter that's afflicted me my entire life, coming and going, was back so strong that I couldn't even get out a "How do you do?"
When I posted my dreams on my Facebook wall, I got some interesting responses.
From Maureen: "Do I represent parenthood/safety/comfort?
From Pebble: "You are struggling with your inner self. You are searching for things that make you feel safe - are you lonely or feeling nostalgic? Is there a big change lurking on your horizon? Have you been made an offer that you are considering but fear change might make you feel less secure? The constant change in the females represents confusion, but the repetition represents the "bond" and your feelings of safety with these two people from your past - when you felt safe. Dreams, though sometimes unclear - absolutely mean something. You need to analyze the events of the dream and search its meaning based on your current life events. Make sense?"
From Alexi, via the book Dream Moods: "To dream that you or someone is morphing into another person suggests that you need to incorporate aspects of this other person into your own character. You are in need of a major change in your life. Alternatively, you need to learn to see things from someone else's perspective and expand your awareness."
Without delving too much further into the internal struggles that are already well enough documented in this blog, I'll say that all three interpretations are spot on. I'm on a very specific journey, one that I've been on for more than half a decade now, and I feel like I'm approaching a major crossroad where the thought of going left, right, onward or backward fills me with both excitement and terror, two qualities that my brother says can easily be confused.
I remember three other dreams from the same night that I didn't talk about on my Facebook wall. One involved cockroaches, of course. In another, someone very important to me died. But the strange twist is that this person died at a younger age than he/she currently is. I was devastated. I railed against the universe for daring to take this person away from me. But as usual, I couldn't bring myself to cry.
In the other dream, a guy from my past re-entered my life. We once had been very close, though always platonic, but I hadn't seen him or thought about him in years. As we met again, it was clear that there was a romantic spark, and we would possibly -- probably -- continue on as a couple. The strange twist: When I woke up, I had no idea who this person from my past was. I can still see his face as clearly as if I had woken up next to him, and I don't recognize him at all!
Last night, the weirdo dreams kept coming, but this time, there at least was some comic relief. It was Oscar night 2012, and I was somewhere in Asia (or maybe it was Europe, or possibly back in Australia). As expected, Meryl Streep was nominated for yet another impersonation, this one of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, and Glenn Close was up for the first time in more than 20 years for her cross-dressing performance in Albert Nobbs. I believe the ceremony was being held not in the Kodak Theater but outside under a tent!
The even bigger twist (and this was the juiciest one of all): I couldn't care less because I was too busy hanging out with Angelina Jolie on the set of Hamlet, her latest directorial project, giving her tips on how to improve Rosario Dawson/Christina Ricci/Jordin Spark's performance as Ophelia. (The actress was like an amalgamation of all three. Oh, and interesting aside: Glenn Close starred as Gertrude in the 1990 film of Hamlet, which I saw with Maureen.)
I have no idea what any of that could possibly mean, but it's one dream that I hope comes true!