BOYS KEEP SWINGING

It's time to get some new material, boys.

My girlfriend had a short-lived dalliance with a Peruvian guy that began decently enough. His texts were on the predictable side -- "hola linda. como estas? todo bien? que haces? te mando un beso. blah blah blah" -- but most guys here (gay and apparently, straight, too) operate from the same script. Unfortunately, his true motive quickly became crystal clear. He would SMS her on a Friday night, and instead of inviting her out for drinks or offering to join her wherever she was, he would casually and not-too-slickly suggest that she come over to his place later, like around the crack of dawn. Eventually, partly following my advice, she stopped returning his messages. Booty calls are so five years ago! Even Samantha was so over them in the Sex and the City movie.

My question(s): What happened to the fine art of courtship? Where have all the smooth operators gone? Does anyone who invites someone to their house for a 5am booty call at 11pm actually think the invitee will show up? At least give them credit for being able to hook up with someone else!

Another friend recently told me about a close encounter of the most horrifying kind with a BA local. He left a nightclub with someone he was somewhat interested in and walked several blocks to the guy's apartment. I'll skip the part where the guy tried to service my friend behind a garbage can because the story actually gets better. Once they arrived at the apartment, my friend began to have second thoughts and suggested that maybe they talk a bit -- you know, get to know each other better before hitting the sheets.

The guy's response: "Sacá tu ropa o vete, negro!"

Translation: "Take off you clothes or get out, nigger!"

Okay, the "nigger" part is overstating things a bit ("negro" means "black" in Spanish and generally does not carry a negative connotation). But I'm still a little in shock several days after hearing the story. As I've said before, I have nothing against one-night stands, and after nearly three years in Buenos Aires, I've come to accept -- expect even -- that most of the guys one will meet here (and all over the world) are not looking for anything more than a quick meaningless hook up. But by God, why be so nasty and obvious about it? Wouldn't it further their cause if they turned on a little charm, at least pretended they were about more than just a quickie?

It's not like my friend was looking to start anything serious with this person, but who wants to be treated like a piece of cheap, common meat (not even medium rare)? My mother used to say, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." She had a point. And you can catch even more flies with a pile of shit, which, basically, is what both of the guys above were offering. Good thing about that fly-shit connection, because with such rotten, stinky attitudes, I can't imagine that they're going to do much better than flies.