A resounding hell, no!
Here is my problem with the hoopla over Ms. Boyle: Why is anyone surprised that she can sing in the first place? Because she's 47 (but doesn't look a day over 57)? Because she's not paper thin, model gorgeous and styled within an inch of her life? But how many of the great singers of the last 40 or so years are: Barbra Streisand? Liza Minnelli? Celine Dion? (Okay, she does make paper look a little zaftig.) Elaine Paige? Have any of them ever been heralded because of their stunning beauty. Or their up-to-the-second musical taste?
I was talking to an Argentine friend who is 20. He was going on and on about the talented Ms. Boyle. For him, it's not so much that she looks like any fútbol mom on the No. 152 colectivo. It's her age. In his mind, old people (yes, to him, 46, the age of his mother, is practically Pleistocene) cannot sing.
Whoa! With the exception of Celine Dion, who is 41, all of the aforementioned talents are over 60. So is Patti LaBelle, Aretha Franklin and Linda Ronstadt. Annie Lennox is 54. Whitney Houston is 45. Reba McEntire, Trisha Yearwood, Patty Loveless and many of country music's most talented female singers are in their 40s and 50s. Mercedes Sosa, Argentina's iconic folk singer, is in her 70s, and her legend is based firmly on talent, not looks.
That everyone was so expecting Susan to embarrass herself says something disturbing about our culture. In this American Idol age, we expect talent and good looks to go hand in hand (or at least talent and great styling). It's a huge turnaround from the early '90s, when groups like Black Box and C+C Music Factory ruled the charts, and gorgeous models were used in their videos to lip sync to the vocals of plus-size diva Martha Wash. For years after the Milli Vanilli scandal, any attractive singer with a big voice would more than likely face lip-sync accusations at some point. Why? Because, you know, aside from Whitney, pretty, thin people didn't have huge voices.
But how our great expectations have shifted. If Susan Boyle looked more like a traditional pop star, would the judges -- or any of us -- have expected her to fail miserably? Would they -- or any of us -- have been so surprised or impressed by her great but by no means earth-shattering performance? Before you accuse me of being deaf, dumb and blind, consider this: If she were 20 years younger, how would she fare on Idol? If she were facing off week to week with Adam Lambert, Danny Gokey and Lil Rounds, Simon, Paula, Randy and Kara would probably be damning her performances with faint praise (as they so often do with superior but hard-to-market Idol contestants Allison Iraheta and Anoop Desai) due to her limited Billboard Hot 100 potential.
And if she were beautiful, too, she still wouldn't have a chance, as Idol prefers its women non-theateningly attractive like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. Syesha Mercado could sing circles around Susan Boyle, but she made it to No. 3 last season on Idol with minimal fanfare from the judges or the press. Not even her stunning version of Mariah Carey's "Vanishing" could get Simon to muster up more than a "very good" critique. And before you bring up the likeability factor, let me say that, yes, Syesha was sorely lacking in the personality department (and would her extreme self-possession have been considered less of a beauty-pageanty liability had she not been so drop-dead gorgeous?), but as Simon and Randy are so fond of saying, "Idol is a singing contest," so while likeability is bound to effect America's decision, it shouldn't factor into the judges' critiques.
But I digress. Everyone keeps asking, "Why didn't Susan Boyle make it big before?" Because of her looks, of course (not to mention the lack of an Idol-style platform like Britain's Got Talent). And the grand irony is that is exactly why she'll make it now.
2 comments:
Very well written, Jeremy!
I must say, I'm amused by all the articles on Boyle and the suggestions that our wonderful world has crowned a new pop star based purely on talent and without a care for her outward appearance.
Are they kidding? This woman's fame has everything to do with what she looks like!
Let's face it: Boyle's overnight-sensation status stems from the fact that the poor thing is so unattractive she's downright difficult to look at. Indeed, that's the reason she was selected to appear on the show in the first place. Clearly, the producers were out to cause a commotion, and, 20-plus million YouTube views later (in less than a week!), they've achieved their goal.
A few years ago they originated the stunt with Paul Potts. After opening his dentally-challenged mouth to sing opera on Britain's Got Talent, the Welsh cellphone salesman put the show on the map with people outside of the UK, and Potts went on to sell millions of CDs.
Though certainly no looker, Potts was more plain than repulsive. This time BGT producers knew they had to up the ante, and, boy, did they! While Potts' BGT debut has amassed more than 40 million YouTube hits to date, that number grew over time. Boyle, meanwhile, became a household name in a matter of days. Is her voice really that special?
She's even appeared on Larry King Live and CBS' Early Show. (It's interesting to note that American Idol disallows any contestant still in the running to perform outside of the show.) And she's been blogged about obsessively by everyone from MTV to the Huffington Post, with most outlets noting her lack of "ideal beauty" or "model-thin body." Honestly, have you ever known journalists to be so polite?
Would the world care nearly as much if her eyebrows weren't so freakishly wooly, her coif an ad for Brillo, her chins a haven for witch hairs? No way. But just in case, let's throw in this freaky fact: A spinster, Boyle has never been kissed. You don't say!
Jeremy, as you pointed out, the woman is 47 and doesn't look a day over 57; yet this real-life Shrek seems oddly ageless. Indeed, the CBS anchor talked to Boyle as if she were a child . . . or an alien. "You look lovely" was the well-groomed host's gentle and awkward greeting. (Lovely?!) Boyle, who seems as devoid of personality as she is of the hottie gene, barely responded, appearing in her outdated living room wearing a frightening frock.
And how about the photo you used, a pic from a brand-new shoot in Boyle's hometown? As a fellow magazine editor, you know that hair and makeup artists are prerequisites, and only photos that show the subject looking their absolute best are selected for public viewing. But Boyle's pictures suggest that BGT forbid styling of any kind and something no celebrity would ever stand for: retouching and photoshopping. And my God, those faces she's making and poses she's striking! Tell me this wasn't just another ploy to extend Boyle's 15 minutes -- and guarantee a worldwide audience for her return to the BGT stage on May 23. You can't.
Hey, I admit it -- I'm interested to see it. But what song she picks and how well she sings it are beside the point. Whatever this says about me or our culture, at least I'm being truthful.
"Her coif an ad for brillo"!!! Oh dear, I didn't want to go there, but what a brilliant description.
Seriously, though, if she were gorgeous, no one would even be talking about her. Isn't it weird how we, as in society in general, now expect our singers and actresses to be gorgeous, unless, of course, the odd appearance is pure schtick, as with, say, Lady GaGa? Would an ordinary-woman actress like Diane Keaton make it if she were just starting out today? Would Carly Simon? Would Aretha Franklin? Would Barbra Streisand?
Susan Boyle sang that song well, but she is by no means the second coming of Elaine Page, and no one would be giving her the time of day if she were drop-dead beautiful. Embracing her makes people feel good about themselves, as if they are above the whole looks thing when, in fact, they are buying right into it.
It will be interesting to see what the powers that be do to Susan Boyle. Will they attempt to give her a complete makeover, or will they let her go on un-styled and unpretty? I suspect the latter because that's as big a part of her claim to 15-minutes of fame as her voice.
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